Unfortunately, many families must, at some point, face the death of a pet. In fact, for a lot of children, losing a pet can be the first experience with death. As they go through the grieving process, it's important to talk to kids and to listen to what they have to say. Here are some hints on talk to your child about the death of a pet.
Instructions
Talk to Kids About the Death of a Pet
1. Use accurate terminology. Don't refer to death as "sleeping," because it implies that the animal is going to wake up eventually. Also, it can lead to fears about going to sleep for the child -- he or she might be scared that if they go to sleep, they'll never wake up again. Go ahead and use the words "dead" and "dying". Don't lie to the child and say the pet ran away; this gives false hope that it might be found again, and can also make the child question what he or she did to "make" the pet want to run off.
2. If you've had to make the decision to euthanize the pet, be honest with your child. Explain it in terms that are appropriate to the age level. Older children may understand more complex language, but for younger children, it's okay to say something like, "Fluffy was very sick, and she was in pain. We asked the doctor to give her medicine that helped her die, because we loved her and we didn’t want to see her hurt any more." Reassure the child that while sick pets may be euthanized, sick children never are. If the pet is terminally ill, talk about death before it happens. This helps your child feel as though they have some control over the situation.
3. Don't be afraid to show your own grief in front of the child. After all, a pet is part of the family, and it's okay for adults to mourn the loss too. If your child sees you crying, it's perfectly fine for you to say, "I'm sad because I miss Fluffy a lot." Let them know that being sad is okay. Because children grieve in different ways - particularly if this is a new experience - some children may not show any visible signs of sadness. Don't pressure your child to cry if they don't feel like it; they'll deal with death in their own way, when they're ready to. Sometimes this will manifest in drawings or pictures of the dead pet, talking to the pet as though it were still in the house, or asking questions about what is happening to the pet's body.
4. If you're able to, some children are helped by being able to bury the pet in the yard. You can make this as elaborate or as simple a procedure as you wish. In the case of smaller pets, a simple cardboard box placed in a hole is fine; your children may wish to create a headstone or some other marker for the pet's grave. Let them do this if they want to, because it creates a tangible place where they know the animal's physical remains are located. If you've had the pet's body cremated, keep the ashes in a place where the whole family can see them any time they wish.
5. Finally, if your family's spiritual beliefs have any bearing on how you view death, be sure to share that with your child. You may want to explain that your child's dog or cat is now running around in heaven with grandma, or that they have gone someplace where all the pets go when they die (such as "the Rainbow Bridge"), or whatever else you believe. No matter how you explain it, be sure to listen to your child and answer their questions and concerns honestly and with sensitivity and love.
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